It will be, or it can be the last time I will see him today. I probably should make it the last time. The worst thing I could ever do in this situation is to cling on him and he or someone will notice that. In a way, I have done it so that I could help myself gradually come to realize that there's nowhere that I can go with this feeling, and with him, instead of abruptly losing chances to see him, which would have been utterly painful.
Please let this farewell be as a beautiful one as possible. I wanted to have one close contact with him before this departure but I'm not allowed. I want him to see me in a positive light and find me attractive till the end. Next year if I see him, I will be one year older and I would feel worse about my attraction to him. I shouldn’t mind this to be our very last time to see each other.
The gazes he gave me, the intense eye contacts and the physical proximity he made with me, smiles he gave me, they all made my heart leap and they still do. He was drawn to me. When his girlfriend is absent, he is still drawn to me, but there is no way that I can replace his girlfriend. Neither of us are available. I know that, but I still wanted to feel physically and emotionally close to him, temporarily, for once.
I don't want to be a creepy woman who is attached to him while he's no longer interested in me. It’s hardly a good idea for a woman to be a chaser, especially in our case. I mean, even a farewell gift can be considered to be a little risky but I want to pay the debt of my gratitude to him, and it'll be my last time.
I will get myself ready to cry, feel lost, and miss him. It's a part of life. After all, there have been countless feelings like this that have gone unrewarded in this world. Depending on how we use this feeling, its impact on our lives can be entirely different.
If you think about it, being able to like someone, to be attracted to someone is blessing. It lightens up our lives. Yes, it makes sense that someone said that unrewarded love is the one that lasts the longest. Ok, I will prepare for it, because it has happened to me before. It is heart-wrenching, but it's better to be prepared than being caught by surprise again. Hopefully, it will fade away in a relatively short period of time.
What if my feeling to my current partner wasn't rewarded. I could have been in an emotional turmoil, far more painful one. But he chose to stay with me, which I should be forever grateful.
I want to be able to use this feeling to better myself. I will continue exercising, watching my diet and my mind and behaviours. I want to be a desirable woman and human being that he can remember fondly, when I will happen to come to his mind, if ever.
I liked you dearly. I was happy to be around you. I loved the feelings of my heart leap whenever you showed signs of attraction toward me. It flattered me and I loved that feelings. And I appreciated your care for my loved one. Even if it might have been temporary, it still lives in me and that moment tickles my heart. It reminded me what it’s like to have someone who’s attracted to me. It made me feel special. It helped me appreciate myself for who I am.
It’s better to have those moments than it has never happened. I can possibly continue living in that moment, by believing that I am a special, attractive, fun-loving, good hearted person. And because of this, I am forever thankful for you.
Thank you, and good bye.
